When is Crew going to be born?
Will he come early or late?
What will he look like?
Where will I be when I go into labor?
How long will labor last?
Will I get an epidural in time?
Will the epidural wear off before I give birth?
Will it hurt?
Will Crew be healthy?
Is his nursery going to be ready in time?
Will we be ready?
Will I have all my responsibilities taken care of at work?
These are all questions and worries that are floating around in my head at any given time. Being just a few days away from being full term, I feel like questions like these are just multiplying. It's been a rough past few days both physically and emotionally around here. I think one of the hardest things about being pregnant, especially for the first time, is just not knowing. Not knowing what is normal. Not knowing what pains, if any, you should be feeling at any given time. Not knowing if/when you should call the doctor. And just not knowing when your baby's birth day will be.
Of course, you can get opinions from other women (especially by calling/texting your Mom a million questions each day) about what you're feeling or what to expect, but there's still that fear in your mind of what's to come. I can confide in Will to console me when I'm in pain or when I'm upset (which has been a daily thing lately), but my hope and my peace ultimately come from the Lord. The verse that has been on repeat in my mind lately is this:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
I recite that verse to myself and all of those fears are taken away. If I have full faith in Christ, then why should I worry or fear anything? Of course, I'm human so I have to remind myself of this promise from God so often. I pray for Crew every day. I pray for his health, for the delivery, for adjusting to our new lives with him and I pray for that peace from God that I need every single day to ease my fears. I've got an amazing support system, not only in Christ, but in my caring husband and our families. I have nothing to fear. Nothing to be anxious about. What I've been given in Crew is the most miraculous gift from the Lord and I'm going to be thankful for that each and every day.
"Behold, sons are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children[a] of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!"
"It is well, it is well, with my soul"